Is my life a good story?

Confession: I love Star Trek.

Paul and I have been watching The Next Generation over the past two years or so, and I have become REALLY attached to the characters. When you watch a show for several seasons, it starts to feel like the characters are people you actually know and care about. I know, it sounds silly, but it's so true.

So, it's my sad duty to announce that we watched the last two episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation today. The last episode was pretty cool, too, so I'm feeling a little bummed that the adventures are over.

I guess I'm a story junky--I love stories! I can't immerse myself enough in books, video games, movies and story-based television shows. You give me a good story and I will immediately become addicted. I want to know what will happen next and how the oh-so-lovable characters will get themselves out of insane situations. I cannot get enough of good stories.

And here I am at the chapter of my life story that's called, The Last Semester of College. (I debated calling it other names like The Over-Extended Ridiculously Busy Stressed Out Twenty-Six Year Old or The First Time Novel Editor Who Harbors Delusions of Finishing College This Semester Against All Odds...) And this chapter of my life has curious echoes to my last semester in high school. Back then, I remember worrying so much about where to go to college and IF I should and what I should major in and where I would live. Now I have the same kinds of concerns. What should I do after I graduate? What kind of jobs should I apply for? Can I even GET the super awesome jobs that I would like? Is it possible for me to actually have a career in writing and editing?

The questions crowd my mind and chase each other around in unproductive clouds. My brain is a beehive.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AFTER I GRADUATE?

Ah, if we had the answers to our questions, maybe we couldn't really make choices and we'd never grow. I wish it was easier sometimes, but I am happy to be part of a story that changes as it goes along, that is always interesting, and that never gets boring. It may not be fiction, but it's a good story, anyway.

Okay, so this post is all about ME!

So, I've been afraid of posting on my blog for quite some time now. Because I know that people are going to read it, I have not wanted to share. I'm afraid of some people knowing about my life, but I don't want to make my blog private because I would like to invite more readers in.

I decided that it's time to get over my fear and just do it--because I like it and I really like writing about myself. (It's true. I'm self-absorbed like that.)

Boy, have I had A LOT going on lately! This is the second week of my last semester in college. And it is already a big hairy demanding semester that is threatening to overwhelm me. My classes are exciting (most of them) but I can't help but feel that I'm in over my head a little bit.

I'm taking freelance magazine writing, mythology, introductory communications, grant writing, physical science lab, and writing internship. For my internship, I will (hopefully) be working with an orgaization called Jana's Campaign. They work to raise awareness about domestic violence and women's rights. If they accept me, I will be writing press releases, articles, and blogs for their organization and doing some editing on their website. It's the kind of work that I imagine to be very rewarding and worthwhile.

At the same time that I'm taking all of these classes, I have my first big editing job.

Drum roll, please.....

I'm editing a novel! I've never had to do a job on this scale before and I was really nervous when I found out that I would have to do it during school. But the good news is that I'm head-over-heels in love with the work. I woke up Saturday morning at 8:20 (which is super early for me) and I didn't want to go back to sleep. I wanted nothing more than to get up and edit. As soon as I sat down to start the editing, it was like I entered a zen dimension. I was so confident and I just felt so competent. I knew what to change and how and how to communicate with the writer in a way that would make him feel good about having me as his editor. It was awesome!

I'm not a person who has loads of confidence to spare. I have always had a hard time believing in myself. So, this is big. I'm so happy that I've found the thing that I will never not want to do. It's amazing.

The song above totally fits how I feel right now. It was recommended by my friend Ruth a few weeks ago. I LOVE it and I hope you all enjoy it, too.

"Be Not Afraid"

This one isn't actually a video. It just plays the song, but it is well-worth listening to. My mom introduced this song to me when she and my dad and my brother Ryan visited us here in Hays last year. It made me cry. I have often looked up at the stars and tried to imagine all of the world out there. And then, I have thought. "How could I really matter when I am so small compared to all that?" This song seems to be an answer to that thought.

"Beautiful Heartbreak"

This song was recommended by my cousin Nikki. I had never heard it before, but it so amazing! I suppose we all carry around invisible signs that are labeled with our personal trials, and we might be surprised if we could see what other people have been through. Even people who seem to have a perfect life are actually suffering just like the rest of us. It's something to think about.

The song seemed especially powerful to me yesterday when I listened to it because I was right in the middle of my biggest paper of the semester. This is the last week of class, and three papers came due all in the same week. I worked last week and over the weekend, but I still had keep working into this week. I finished one Monday and another last night. I still have to do another tonight and tomorrow. . . It's basically endless. And at the same time, I am fighting to keep my blood sugar down and I can't help feeling overloaded.

This song is a good reminder that trials bring perspective to our lives. I have learned compassion through my diabetes in so many ways. I understand what's it's like to be sick for a long period of time and what it's like to be judged unfairly by others. I also understand better now than ever that God loves me and watches over me. I don't think I would know all these things if I had never had trials. They can truly magnify you in ways you would never imagine.

"Just the Way You Are"

Where the last song was very self-affirming, this one is focused on uplifting someone else. It's about a guy who loves a girl just the way she is and he tells her so. We all have tremendous power to uplift others by loving just as they are, by seeing the best that is in them and believing the best about them.

"Who Says"

So, this week's topic is uplifting songs. I really love this one by Selena Gomez. I don't keep track of what's popular in music--I just happened upon this one day when I was looking up another video on Youtube. But I appreciate the message of it. We tend to be our own worst critics and to judge ourselves so harshly when we really are already good enough to start with.

"Restless Soul"

Okay, the video is a little odd. But this is the best introspective song that I know of. It might as well be my theme song when I get into certain moods. I know what kind of a person I'm supposed to be, what kind of a person I want to be. But then there's the person that I am, which is something quite different. I get so angry with myself for falling into the same patterns over and over, for making the same mistakes. It's good to stop and look at those mistakes, though, so that I can find ways to improve, to get a little closer to that person I imagine myself becoming.

And I am looking forward quite a bit these days as I begin the last week of my second-to-last semester as a college student. I can't help but feel a little nostalgic as I also look back at all the days I have spent in school. It seems crazy that I will soon leave school behind and start a new phase of life. In many ways, it feels more intense to me even than graduating high school because I have a clearer focus now of what I want from life than I did then.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this song. Don't forget to post songs that are important to you, and I might just feature them at some point.